Great book, great speaker! I have had this book for several years and just never thought it meant much....boy was I wrong. I went to hear Sherrie Eldridge speak yesterday. She was adopted. She described the feeling of being adopted (even from an infant) the emotional vulnerabilities of being adopted, the fear and sometimes shame adoptees feel, the pressure to be perfect, so as not to disappoint anyone, the way adoptees process how they are "talked to", for example "Your birthmother loved you so much that she gave you to us", this translates in an adoptees mind, "love is what got rid of me". Another way to say the same thing would be "Your birth parents weren't able to parent ANY baby at that time." OR another big one is that "you are special"...translates into "It's not o.k. to be me. I have to try hard to do good so they well like me." Those of you who know me well, know how much I have struggled with talking to MiMi about her birthparents. Yes, she knows she is adopted, we talk about the orphanage, the trip to China, all the details about China, etc...you get the picture, but only one time has she ever brought up was I born in your tummy or another mommy's tummy and this was out of the blue at the FOX theatre. I was caught off-guard but I handled it fine, told her she was born in another mommy's tummy. Nothing else said, just "oh o.k." I didn't realize how difficult it would be to look into her sweet face and tell her that she has two mommy's...well this has haunted me. But yesterday, I learned so much about why this should be the number one thing we communicate about...Oh dear... Why has this been so difficult ...well yesterday one thing that stood out was that most of the time an adopted child wouldn't want to hurt your feelings so she won't bring up anything about her "birthmom" because she doesn't want to hurt you. I realized that I was afraid she may get so confused and not know how to feel about "all of this" or us. China country details are safe, but mommy details are "big"! So anyway, with the help and prompting of some awesome girls yesterday, we sat down as a family last night and read a book together called Fingerprints Forever by Sherrie Eldridge. It was uneventful...no questions, nothing just "that was a good book, hey let's play checkers! But, the key thing was that it was a good start for Dan and I and I would highly recommend this book to everyone. Well, since yesterday, my fears have turned into a confidence, I feel empowered and so much more prepared to understand how MiMi feels. I just needed the right support and people to move forward with confidence. I am so excited to have turned this corner ! The girls I sat with yesterday said, it's hard to believe you are having so much trouble with this because of all the people and adoption stuff you do. True, but what I realized was that I needed to be the one sitting in the audience soaking in what someone else was sharing! It was awesome and of course I would highly recommend both of these books. I did ask Sherrie if she would like to come speak at our FF event and she had a big smile and said I would love to in early 2009, when I finish my next book! We can't wait to have her join us!
